Stone, Patton, Heen, Difficult Conversations

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Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. 10th Anniversary Edition. Penguin (Non-Classics), 2010.

Referenced in: Church Conflict – Criticism, Difficult People, Difficult Conversations

LifeandLeadership.com Summary

We all have difficult conversations, no matter how confident or competent we are. And too often, no matter what we try, things don’t go well. Should you say what you’re thinking and risk starting a fight? Swallow your views and feel like a doormat? Or should you let them have it? But…what if you’re wrong? Difficult Conversations shows you a way out of this dilemma. It teaches you how to handle even the toughest conversations more effectively and with less anxiety.

Based on fifteen years of work at the Harvard Negotiation Project and consultations with thousands of people, the authors answer the question: When people confront the conversations they dread the most, what works? This book walks you through a proven, concrete, step-by-step approach for understanding and conducting tough conversations. It shows you how to get ready, how to start conversations in ways that reduce defensiveness, and how to keep the conversation on a constructive track regardless of how the other person responds. Recommended by such notables as Tom Peters, Peter Senge and Daniel Goleman.

From the Publisher

We attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day-whether dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with a spouse, or negotiating with a client. From the Harvard Negotiation Project, the organization that brought you Getting to Yes, Difficult Conversations provides a step-by-step approach to having those tough conversations with less stress and more success. you’ll learn how to:

  • Decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation
  • Start a conversation without defensiveness
  • Listen for the meaning of what is not said
  • Stay balanced in the face of attacks and accusations
  • Move from emotion to productive problem-solving

About the Authors

Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen are members of the Harvard Negotiation Project at Harvard Law School in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

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