Consulting - Listening Laboratory I

11 Advanced Communcation Skills to Enhance Relationships and Deepen Fellowship

Dr. Carlus Gupton, Director of LifeandLeadership.com., is a certified facilitator of Listening Laboratory I, and also teaches in-depth communication skills as an academic speciality area. The following description presents an overview of the content and benefits of this training.

What is LISTENING LABORATORY I?

LISTENING LABORATORY I is based on the research of Dr. John Savage, a retired Methodist minister and consultant with LeadPlus Consultants of Atlanta. Several years ago, while ministering in New York, Savage became concerned about what causes people to leave the church. As a doctoral student in psychotherapy at Colgate-Rochester Divinity School, he studied this issue in-depth. He not only discovered what causes people to leave the church, but also how to reclaim them through sensitive listening and timely intervention. His doctoral research resulted in the book, The Apathetic and Bored Church Member, and a seminar entitled, LISTENING LABORATORY I. LAB I was the means Dr. Savage used to train members of his congregation in the listening skills. They achieved great results in reclaiming lost members, and also learned how to utilize the skills in several other caring missions.

In the 20 years since Dr. Savage first introduced LAB I, over 100,000 people have been trained in 40 denominations and 18 countries. Over 2,500 are certified to teach LAB I, and they train up to 5,000 people each year. The LAB manual is now in 5 languages. Churches worldwide are continuing to successfully use LAB I skills to reach drop-outs, but many other uses have been found as well.

Here’s how you will benefit from the LAB I seminar

Although LAB I was originally applied to “recovery-based” ministries, it’s essential focus is preventive. LAB equips church leaders and individuals to respond constructively to each other before anxiety peaks. By using the skills, churches learn how to anticipate and recognize the signs of interpersonal stress and intervene in the early stages of disenchantment. Below are a few ways LAB I skills have been used.

• Maintaining and strengthening member communication, especially in times of change.
• Visiting members to determine congregational perspectives and enhance shepherding relationships.
• Training a group of people to visit shut-ins, elderly members, or the terminally ill and their families.
• One church uses these skills as the base for its Divorce Recovery Group.
• Another church set up “listening centers” in their state for farmers that were devastated by drought.
• One congregation set up a “listening center” for members who simply needed someone to listen.
• One church visited those in their community who had recent deaths in their families.
• Many consider this as core training for leaders of group Bible studies, prayer groups and support groups.

LAB I presents other profound insights in addition to the skills. Many have discovered that the DROPOUT TRACK, which describes the predictable sequence people follow before leaving the church, also explains the events that precede a person ending other types of bonded relationships, including marriage. The DROPOUT TRACK shows how anxiety-provoking events such as severe illnesses, church and family conflicts, life crises, and even normal adult transitions and faith challenges often cluster together so rapidly that a person may not be able to process one event before the others occur. Unable to process the pain, they may act out with rash statements or ill-planned changes or act in by sealing themselves off emotionally. A skilled listener realizes these changes in a person’s behavior are often merely cries for help. Through caring intervention, a listener can help another individual process the pain associated with life events, and thus equip them for more proactive living. Learning how to respond in such a manner is part of the objective of LAB I.

It is easy to see that LAB I is useful in a variety of ministry contexts. The skills can also be used in any area involving interpersonal communications, including family, work, and school. Also, any LAB graduate will attest that some of the greatest benefits are personal growth and enhanced self-discovery. As individuals practice the skills with LAB partners, their own life issues may surface. Participants become more aware of their on-going transitions and life commandments. They come face-to-face with the present stage of their faith journey. They gain insight into their own intra- and interpersonal conflicts. They become more aware of how their behavior affects others. Invaluable lessons are learned.

Learn these eleven advanced communication skills

• Behavior Description - Describing a person's observable behaviors without making inferences.
• Direct Expression of Feelings - Identifying and naming your own inner emotional state.
• Fogging - Agreeing with the truth in the speaker's critical statements.  You agree only with that which is true for you.
• Life Commandments Listening - Listening for the commandments (hidden in their stories) that determine some of a person's behaviors.
• Negative Inquiry - Coaching your critic to constructively criticize you in specifics, rather than generalities.
• Neuro-linguistics - Listening for and responding in the dominant mode of the speaker's language (auditory, visual, or kinesthetic). Also observing the speaker's eye movements for clues to the dominant mode.
• Paraphrase - Restating, in your own words, the content of the speaker's communication.
• Perception Check - Checking your perception (guess) about what feelings or emotions the speaker is experiencing by responding to other questions that you have asked.
• Productive Questions - Asking questions based on the speaker's incomplete thoughts, uncolicited "free" information, or response to the other questions you have asked.
• Story Listening - Making a guess about the hidden struggle which is told through the stories the speaker shares with you. Listening for the common themes in the stories to help you identify the issues being dealt with at the present time.
• Story Polarization Listening - Listening for the polarities (opposites) in the speaker's stories, as a clue to inner struggles.

Gain insight into a variety of other topics:

• Dealing with criticism
• How the whole body communicates
• Dealing with emotions
• Stages of adult faith development
• Life’s transitions
• Role renegotiation

Participate in the “lab” format

LAB I is designed around a three-point training structure of information, practice, and reflection. There is a minimal amount of lecture, with the emphasis on practice and reflection. In the practice sessions, participants personally “try out” the information. This is where the “laboratory” nature of the program comes in. The techniques of partnered practice, round robins, and role-play are used to provide as much hands-on experience as possible. Group feedback and discussion periods offer the chance to consider how the information applies to one’s own life and to one’s congregation, family, profession, etc.

In what practical ways can the Lab I skills be used?

Dr. John S. Savage, in his book Listening and Caring Skills for Ministry: A Guide for Pastors, Counselors, and Small Group Leaders (Abingdon, 1996, pp. 7-10) describes several ways that past graduates of the Lab I seminar have put the skills to use. Using the skills is limited only by one’s imagination. Wherever there is a need for listening, these skills can be used. The list below is by no means a full list, but it does represent some of the opportunities.

Shut-ins – These skills have been appreciated by those who are visited in hospitals and nursing homes. Each of the persons has a very special story to tell, and most of the time, we hear that story only on a surface level. Through the use of these skills, you will realize that much more is being told to you than the words first imply.

The Terminally Ill – Hospice workers have found these skills to be some of the most helpful they have every learned. No one is more important to hear than the dying person, or the family members of those who are dying. Once you have mastered the Lab I skills, you will be able to recognize the death theme in a story.

The Inactive Church Member – Dr. Savage first used these skills in teaching people how to listen to the pain of the inactive church member. As a result of using these skills, up to 80 percent of their inactive church members have been reclaimed by some church leaders. Ninety-five percent of inactive church members have had a cluster of anxiety-provoking events in their personal lives before leaving the church. Listening to and responding to that cluster is extremely important in urging a person to return. These skills will teach you how to listen to pain so that it may be healed.

The Person Going Through Divorce – Members in one congregation have dedicated themselves to listening to the person traumatized by divorce. Each Sunday evening, more than three hundred divorced and separated people come to be ministered to by others who have had the same experience. They have now trained more than eighty people to listen to others who are plowing through the same emotions and pain.

Families With A Severely Ill Person – One church that has developed some of the most useful programs in the nation has trained more than two hundred listeners. These people work with every known affliction within the congregation. A special group works with families who have severely ill members in their midst. We often pay attention to the ill person and forget the stress and anxiety of those who are emotionally close to them.

The Unemployed – One denomination asked an executive in their church to train more than one hundred persons to listen to the farmers in their area. They set up many listening centers throughout the state and informed all the farmers in the area that if they need to talk to someone, as listener was available.

Another local church knew that many families in their community were affected by a large industry shut down. They visited everyone in their congregation who was laid off to listen to the pain and try to bring help where they could.

The Listening Center – A congregation in California has set up a high quality listening center in their church. A group of Lab I graduates gives four hours a week to those in their church who need a good listener. A professional psychologist interviews each person before referring them to a listener, to make sure they are not pathologically ill. They are now busy every week.

The Potential Church Member – When undertaking the evangelistic task of visiting those interested in joining your church, it is important to listen to them. Lab I skills help one to listen first and witness second. Listening builds rapport and trust. Unless you build the trust with listening, not much else is going to happen.

The Grieving Person – A congregation in New Jersey trained thirty-four people in listening skills. The ministry they developed changed the life of their church and of the community. They visited families who had lost a member by death. They went to the home without notice, taking them a fresh rose. They did not ask to come in, but gave the name of their congregation and said that they knew the family had lost a loved one. Attached to the rose was a card saying who they were and where they were from. After several years of visiting the grieving in all religions, their church became known as the “Caring Church” of their town.

The Traumatized Person – When a tornado causes havoc in a town and people are left without homes, they not only need assistance in rebuilding, but they also need someone with whom to meet on a regular basis, so that they can tell their story. A person skilled in these listening behaviors can be very significant in helping them survive the trauma. A church in California has used these skills extensively to listen to families who have lost their homes in fires and earthquakes.

The Teenager – One church not only listened to the teenagers but trained them to train other teenagers. When this church provided three teenagers to teach these skills in one of their summer church camps, it was so successful that they did it three years in a row. Parents need to learn how to listen to their children, regardless of their age. The greatest gift you can give your children is to pay attention to them and listen intently.

Married Couples – Lab I skills can be adapted into learning events that teach couples how to listen to each other. If there is any skill needed by both persons in a marriage, it is the skill of listening. The dialogical communication which occurs when persons listen to each other while sharing their concerns or deepest love is truly enhanced by the skills in Lab I.

Training Professional Counselors – Dr. Savage tells of a man with two earned doctorates in psychology who came through the skill training. He sent Dr. Savage a letter after the event, stating that he had taken more than sixty courses in psychology, but nothing was as useful and rewarding in his private practice as the skills he learned in Lab I. Counselors who go through this training find these skills as useful as anything they have ever learned.

Training Top-Level Executives – Several advanced graduates now teach these skills in top-level industry. Business executives, education adminstrators, college professors, and many others have found the Lab I skills to be incredibly helpful. One such person trained more than 325 people in one multibillion dollar industry.

Training Pastors and Other Caring Professionals – Thousands of pastors, in more than forty denominations, have been trained in Lab I skills. All pastors who step into the pulpit must know how to listen to their parishioners. If you don’t know how to listen, you will miss some of the important feedback, which can give you early cues about things that are about to go wrong in your church. Knowing how to effectively respond to conflict and criticism are career-saving skills. Lab I can help you do that. Many nurses and doctors, welfare and social workers, have incorporated these skills into their work to make them more effective as professionals.

Lab I will bring you a set of skills that will enhance your own life and give you a chance to minister in a wonderfully new and healing way. Being an effective listener is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give to another.

Lab I Schedule

The entire lab is a 40 hour training event. Most often, it is arranged in a two weekend format, 20 hours each weekend, with the weekends spaced 2-3 weeks apart. The same schedule is followed both weekends.

Several other schedules are available, such as three weekends, four weekends, eight weeks, and one-week intensives. Dr. Gupton’s experience as a LAB I facilitator has been that the two weekend format is best.

Participants must attend each session to receive a completion certificate. The lab-partner and small group reflection format is disrupted when one or more are absent.

Who should attend Lab I?

Anyone who wants to be a more effective listener will benefit from LAB I. It should be kept in mind that LAB I is a form of ministry equipping for individuals who are not in crisis at the time of training. The objective of the LAB is to equip mature, healthy Christians with the ability to listen sensitively to someone else’s pain. Yet, the skills learned would certainly cause one to grow in any area of life requiring good communication skills.

How can we schedule a lab presentation at my church or organization?

Dr. Gupton provides a complete promotional and organizational package that can be used by the individuals, churches, or organizations that sponsor the LAB. He will work diligently with each sponsor to facilitate optimum scheduling and participation.

Please contact Dr. Gupton at the address or phone number listed on the contact page.